Running

Its amazing to think how far my body and mind have come since I have started running. The most impressive is my mind. Running gives me an "out" and I love it. I love spending that time just me and my thoughts. The best is that while I get to spend "Ashley" time I am getting in shape.

I have put a lot of thought about my recent Half Marathon. When someone asked me "How did you do?" I would respond "I finished" haha! only because I didn't want to share my time because I felt like I could have done much better... especially because there came a point I had to walk. I wanted to run the full 13 not walking but my body wouldn't allow it.....when I was reading and researching running it always stated that you needed to listen to your body because you could really hurt yourself. Well, I am glad I listened because my knee was sore for a whole week, if I would have kept running and pushing who knows what would have happened. But back to my response and my thoughts. I did finish! And I finished exactly what my goal was 2:30:02! I should and now am VERY PROUD. I have learned that even though I am competitive its okay not to be "the best" I just started training in Dec. Three months and I was able to run 13.1 miles!! Racing/Running is an individual sport. It doesn't matter who came in before you, who ran faster, who was already walking back when you still have 2 miles to go...it only matters if you were able to overcome your own personal goals. And I definitely did in this one. I am looking forward to many more to come! The Red Rock Relay is going to be a different type of run and battles...but once I we finish that one, I can't wait to know how far I have grown physically and mentally when its over.

Today IS the Day

Today I will start back with my training and dieting for the Relay Race.

I am so excited to get back to running, i haven't ran since the Half and I have been ITCHING to get back to running, decided to follow the advise of a friend and take ALL last week off.....both running and eating wise. It was nice for awhile but very EXCITED AND HAPPY to start training this week!

Red Rock Relay

6 Runners: 70 miles

YES PLEASE....

Redrockrelay.com/Moab

Diet Time!!

I decided yesterday that it is time to put Cheech on a diet. I really didn't think he was "that big" but after Degan and his friends thought it was funny to hold his toy up and watch him attempt to jump and laugh at him. It is time. I was getting ready to go to SuperCross last night and Cheech was sitting there watching and I looked over and he looked so frumpy and uncomfortable that it is definitely time for the D-I-E-T. The key to his diet will come with making sure he is only eating once a day which means we can only feed him one time and NO TREATS!! That will be hard for Mark to do because he thinks Cheech deserves a treat every time he goes in the kitchen. I have been thinking about walking him every night but we play all night playing fetch.....that and the weather is going to be up in the 90's starting today. So we'll see. 

FIANLLY, TODAY IS HERE

So, the boyfriend will finally be back TODAY! I am super excited! Its been a week. Usually a whole week I would be freaking out, this week was different. I don't think it helped that we had a big fight right before he left. This time last week I was having doubts about where I am in my life and how things are going. The thing is that I know he is AMAZING, and I know I am LUCKY.  I got to do a lot of thinking this week and I have concluded a couple of things.

 The first one is that I am a person who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES attention. Which I get most of the time from him, actually I get it a lot. So when I don't have that attention, I act like a baby. I will never tell him that, but haha. One would think that after the time we have been together I would be okay, actually welcome when i have time to myself, but I don't. I really don't. Every once in awhile I do want a night to myself, and I take it. I guess what it comes down to is that I want my own time when I want it, not when he decides to give it to me. That sounds really bad, but I just love being around him. He makes me happy. I could be bitching about work and everything else and he will make me laugh. He makes me realize that life isn't always the way we plan it but we grasp it and then run with it. 

The second conclusion is this: work is NOT my life. If I keep letting work get in the way of my personal life I will damage all the good things in my life. I bring work home with me. I can't do this. I know I will have to work a lot, but when I bring it home with me it ruins our nights. Something I need to learn how NOT to do. 

The third conclusion is easier said then done: he is not the ex. I don't understand why I even think anything, I fully TRUST HIM, I do. But there is something, somewhere that makes me question DUMB THINGS, like who was that girl you were talking to. "oh she is your friend from 10 years ago" "okay, why are you talking to her" If I fully TRUST I shouldn't even care. But the thing is that I fully TRUSTED THE EX too, and look what happened!! Is it possible I will lose that fear?I don't know, I know for a fact that no matter who I was dating, I would have this fear. It has NOTHING to do w/ the BF but the past, and this is not fair to him. I think the same goes for the BF too, I think he holds onto random things and I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "I AM NOT HER, I WILL NEVER BE HER, NOR WILL I EVER HAVE THE PROBLEMS SHE HAD" But I don't. I guess its all part of life and learning to move on.

 The final conclusion is COMMUNICATION!! I feel like a lot of the time if something happens in our relationship I push it aside hoping that nothing will come of it, but as I found out last week, when we are fighting and I am mad (now this is SUPER WRONG) but I bring up past things like "you did this and that and this" which I found out, HE HATES!!! Which then he gets pissed and starts saying stuff he doesn't mean, because he tells me the next day. I need to just tell him when something is bothering me or I don't like. Its stupid stuff to! Which makes it even worse. I thought that once I started "getting older and more mature" I wouldn't be pissed about DUMB THINGS!! I think, actually, I know I need to grow up. I need to tell him the things that I feel are important and hope he understands. I am a very fortunate person, really I am. He is the best thing that has happened to me. (and I am the best thing that has happened to him, thats what I tell myself. haha, although, I really do believe I am one of the best things) I talk about communication every day at work, yet I don't do it every day with my own personal relationships. That is a problem. ! 

With all of this, I am very optimistic that from here on out, our relationship will just grow and be even better. 

MUD SLIDE

Okay,

I know I always am talking about my dreams, but last night I dreamt of being in a whole bunch of mud (it was this super cool mud slide and not the drink :) So I looked it up and well, let me backtrack a little bit. So I really haven't been going to the gym since I blogged about my pet peeves, just haven't had the time. So I have been bitching about how I need to get back there and blah blah blah. So this dream. I look it up and it talks how mud can symbolize the cleaning of the body...so what did I do tonight? I WENT TO THE GYM, I feel great. I don't know why I have stopped! I feel more relaxed and calm and just feel better about myself. I just wish I could last longer than 30 mins on the stair climber. LOL. So I am trying really hard not to go to the cookie jar and have something sweet...that would defeat the purpose of me going to the gym right. ugh. It will never be how I want  it to be. I want to eat what I want and I don't want to have to go to the gym every damn night to work off those damn rice krispies!! =) 

I need....

So, I seriously had a dream last night that we got robbed at work. Not such a good thing considering where I work. I looked it up in the dictionary and it said something along the lines of feeling like Robbery 
To dream that you have been robbed, denotes that you are experiencing an identity crisis or you are suffering some sort of loss in your life. Alternatively, you may feel that someone has stolen your success or has taken credit for something you did....

So. I don't feel like I am suffering from sort of loss except for I don't know, SLEEP, A social life. I don't know. I honestly feel like I have not had any time to do things I want to do. I want to sleep in maybe JUST ONCE A WEEK (like I did today) I wish I had one day off that I have NOTHING planned except sitting around....damn softball. Get home before 6:30...I don't know. I am getting closer and closer to burn out from work. Today will be 20 days working with only two days off. This is not right. Last weekend I got the chance to go out with Amber, Matthew, and some people from Moab. We went to Harrah's (I love that place) We started outside and Carnival Court where we got to dance and just drink and not worry how we were going to go home. I didn't have to babysit which was the best part. We ended our night in Toby's where we danced even more! I loved it.  I am hoping this weekend will be just as much fun. I believe we are going out to Stoney's for Kelly's 21st birthday. Should be GOOD TIMES! I am excited!!!