Diet Time!!

I decided yesterday that it is time to put Cheech on a diet. I really didn't think he was "that big" but after Degan and his friends thought it was funny to hold his toy up and watch him attempt to jump and laugh at him. It is time. I was getting ready to go to SuperCross last night and Cheech was sitting there watching and I looked over and he looked so frumpy and uncomfortable that it is definitely time for the D-I-E-T. The key to his diet will come with making sure he is only eating once a day which means we can only feed him one time and NO TREATS!! That will be hard for Mark to do because he thinks Cheech deserves a treat every time he goes in the kitchen. I have been thinking about walking him every night but we play all night playing fetch.....that and the weather is going to be up in the 90's starting today. So we'll see. 

FIANLLY, TODAY IS HERE

So, the boyfriend will finally be back TODAY! I am super excited! Its been a week. Usually a whole week I would be freaking out, this week was different. I don't think it helped that we had a big fight right before he left. This time last week I was having doubts about where I am in my life and how things are going. The thing is that I know he is AMAZING, and I know I am LUCKY.  I got to do a lot of thinking this week and I have concluded a couple of things.

 The first one is that I am a person who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES attention. Which I get most of the time from him, actually I get it a lot. So when I don't have that attention, I act like a baby. I will never tell him that, but haha. One would think that after the time we have been together I would be okay, actually welcome when i have time to myself, but I don't. I really don't. Every once in awhile I do want a night to myself, and I take it. I guess what it comes down to is that I want my own time when I want it, not when he decides to give it to me. That sounds really bad, but I just love being around him. He makes me happy. I could be bitching about work and everything else and he will make me laugh. He makes me realize that life isn't always the way we plan it but we grasp it and then run with it. 

The second conclusion is this: work is NOT my life. If I keep letting work get in the way of my personal life I will damage all the good things in my life. I bring work home with me. I can't do this. I know I will have to work a lot, but when I bring it home with me it ruins our nights. Something I need to learn how NOT to do. 

The third conclusion is easier said then done: he is not the ex. I don't understand why I even think anything, I fully TRUST HIM, I do. But there is something, somewhere that makes me question DUMB THINGS, like who was that girl you were talking to. "oh she is your friend from 10 years ago" "okay, why are you talking to her" If I fully TRUST I shouldn't even care. But the thing is that I fully TRUSTED THE EX too, and look what happened!! Is it possible I will lose that fear?I don't know, I know for a fact that no matter who I was dating, I would have this fear. It has NOTHING to do w/ the BF but the past, and this is not fair to him. I think the same goes for the BF too, I think he holds onto random things and I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "I AM NOT HER, I WILL NEVER BE HER, NOR WILL I EVER HAVE THE PROBLEMS SHE HAD" But I don't. I guess its all part of life and learning to move on.

 The final conclusion is COMMUNICATION!! I feel like a lot of the time if something happens in our relationship I push it aside hoping that nothing will come of it, but as I found out last week, when we are fighting and I am mad (now this is SUPER WRONG) but I bring up past things like "you did this and that and this" which I found out, HE HATES!!! Which then he gets pissed and starts saying stuff he doesn't mean, because he tells me the next day. I need to just tell him when something is bothering me or I don't like. Its stupid stuff to! Which makes it even worse. I thought that once I started "getting older and more mature" I wouldn't be pissed about DUMB THINGS!! I think, actually, I know I need to grow up. I need to tell him the things that I feel are important and hope he understands. I am a very fortunate person, really I am. He is the best thing that has happened to me. (and I am the best thing that has happened to him, thats what I tell myself. haha, although, I really do believe I am one of the best things) I talk about communication every day at work, yet I don't do it every day with my own personal relationships. That is a problem. ! 

With all of this, I am very optimistic that from here on out, our relationship will just grow and be even better. 

MUD SLIDE

Okay,

I know I always am talking about my dreams, but last night I dreamt of being in a whole bunch of mud (it was this super cool mud slide and not the drink :) So I looked it up and well, let me backtrack a little bit. So I really haven't been going to the gym since I blogged about my pet peeves, just haven't had the time. So I have been bitching about how I need to get back there and blah blah blah. So this dream. I look it up and it talks how mud can symbolize the cleaning of the body...so what did I do tonight? I WENT TO THE GYM, I feel great. I don't know why I have stopped! I feel more relaxed and calm and just feel better about myself. I just wish I could last longer than 30 mins on the stair climber. LOL. So I am trying really hard not to go to the cookie jar and have something sweet...that would defeat the purpose of me going to the gym right. ugh. It will never be how I want  it to be. I want to eat what I want and I don't want to have to go to the gym every damn night to work off those damn rice krispies!! =) 

I need....

So, I seriously had a dream last night that we got robbed at work. Not such a good thing considering where I work. I looked it up in the dictionary and it said something along the lines of feeling like Robbery 
To dream that you have been robbed, denotes that you are experiencing an identity crisis or you are suffering some sort of loss in your life. Alternatively, you may feel that someone has stolen your success or has taken credit for something you did....

So. I don't feel like I am suffering from sort of loss except for I don't know, SLEEP, A social life. I don't know. I honestly feel like I have not had any time to do things I want to do. I want to sleep in maybe JUST ONCE A WEEK (like I did today) I wish I had one day off that I have NOTHING planned except sitting around....damn softball. Get home before 6:30...I don't know. I am getting closer and closer to burn out from work. Today will be 20 days working with only two days off. This is not right. Last weekend I got the chance to go out with Amber, Matthew, and some people from Moab. We went to Harrah's (I love that place) We started outside and Carnival Court where we got to dance and just drink and not worry how we were going to go home. I didn't have to babysit which was the best part. We ended our night in Toby's where we danced even more! I loved it.  I am hoping this weekend will be just as much fun. I believe we are going out to Stoney's for Kelly's 21st birthday. Should be GOOD TIMES! I am excited!!! 

Expectations

EXPECTATIONS:In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centred on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order. (WIKIPEDIA) 

I believe this is my biggest wall I need to overcome. The more and more I think about my life and about how things were and how they ARE.....I can only come down to this: I need to stop expecting so many things. This causes so many negative thoughts which then cause so many hurtful emotions. I have the tendency to expect so much and when it does not play out the way I "plan" aka expect then it screws everything up. I expect people to live up to their word. I expect people to show up on time. I expect people to do their job. I expect that I people will act a certain way, or say certain things. I realize that when this does not happen, it ruins my whole day/night/week/month whatever it is. I always thought that it was easy to just do what you say or act the way you want to be treated.  I am not sure this will work in every situation. I have lived my whole life on a schedule (or at least a schedule in my head) In college I would make sure I was up at a certain time, figure out my daily schedule: what time lunch was, what time I needed to be home, what time I needed to start my homework, what time I should eat my dinner etc, you get the picture. If my daily schedule was screwed up.....that was it. If I was expecting someone to call like they always did, and then they didn't. I started to worry, going through so many different thoughts etc. So, now here I am at the age of 25 still disappointed when things don't go the way I expect them to. I guess, I should just stop expecting so much and it will be a "surprise" and well, I don't get so upset, at least I hope. 

Vacation

I had the nicest vacation I could have asked for. Well, a week on the beach would have been nice. I got a couple days to myself where I just relaxed, did some things around the house and that was just what I needed. I got the opportunity to go to Orem to watch Jordan wrestle for the majority of vacation. My whole family made it and it was perfect! 

We even had a lunch all together, Mom, Matthew, Jackie (Matt's gf) Jordan, Amber, Dad and Jane (Dads gf) I never thought I would see that day with Mom, Dad and Jane all at a civil lunch. =) I am very happy my mom agreed to it. Jordan was finished Friday afternoon so we got the time to just hang out. We sat around playing Dice, Phase 10...and thats what we did. My mom and I played a video blackjack some of the time too, Matthew liked the game as well. Hopefully the more practice I get the better I can get and win some $$$$. Ha, I wished.

 Amber thought she could wrestle my mom and she got worked. It was very entertaining. I had a really good time with my family. There were a couple times we were laughing so hard that we had tears. 

I really needed this time and I hope that it will be refreshing to go back to work tomorrow. 

Garth Brooks

So last night we were listening to Garth and I was having a hard time listing my Top Ten Garth songs. I know for sure the TOP SONG is.....BUT what are the others. Okay so here it goes.

10) Shameless

9)Rodeo

8)What's She Doing Now

7)That Summer

6)Standing Outside the Fire

5)The River

4)Beaches of Cheyenne

3)The Dance

2) Unanswered Prayers

And My favorite Garth song and my Favorite song EVER IS....

1) If Tomorrow Never Comes

This isn't good. What about. The Red Strokes, Papa Love Mama, Much To Young, The Thunder Rolls....Well, basically he has too many songs, and making a top ten list isn't working. Haha 

Dreams are the touchstones of our character.-Henry David Thoreau

I seriously have dream EVERY NIGHT! Recently they have been so bad that it feels like I don't get any sleep what so ever, even though I am in bed for 8+ hrs every night. So, i was thinking, I really need to know what my dreams meant. I found a website that interprets them and I pasted a few of my most common dreams. I am actually really worried after reading them. Yikes.  http://www.brilliantdreams.com/dream-dictionary/dream-dictionary-f.htm

 is the website I found the interpretations. I am going to highlight the part the is relevant to me and see if I personally can decode my own dreams. :) I really should be going to the gym right now. But I have all day, oh how I love VACATION!! FYI....This is a long one, if you are bored it might be a great read, if you are in a hurry, not going to be such a good one. And maybe it will make no sense what so ever, but I think it really helped me. 

Teeth 
To dream that you have rotten or decaying teeth, forewarns that your health and/or business are in jeopardy. You may have uttered some false or foul words and those words are coming back to haunt you. To dream that you are brushing your teeth, signifies your level of confidence, struggles and aggressiveness. You need to look out for yourself and your own interest. Dreams involving teeth are quite common. 

****THIS is my most common dream. I usually dream that my teeth are falling out. The weird thing is that I dream that I still have braces and the brackets are falling off which in turn makes my teeth fall. I am confused by this one. I am not sure how my health is in jeopardy. I feel healthy. Maybe I need to go see the doctor. I had this dream last night, and well I am feeling like I am going to get sick. I have a sore throat...Maybe this dream stuff is true. Strange. I really don't want to get sick on my personal vacation time. 

Climb 
To dream that you are climbing up something (ladder, rope, etc.), signifies that you are trying to or you have overcome a great struggle. It also suggests that your goals are finally within reach. Climbing also means that you have risen to a level of prominence within the social or economic sphere.

***** I dreamt this one a few night ago. The crazy part was I dreamt I was climbing with my dad and we were going up some place in Moab. So, if I just read this part I would be stoked. My goals are in reach...except in the dream I dreamt I was reaching to pull myself up and I fell backwards which leads to this one:

Fall 

To dream that you fall and not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease. To dream that you fall and are frightened, denotes a major struggle and overwhelming problem in your life. It may denote that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself. To dream that you fall and are injured, foretells of hardships and loss of friends. To see someone fall, signifies your secret desire for the downfall or even death of that person. You will triumph over your enemies. 

****There are two things I can think of. One I am definitely not happy where my career is. Which means that, my job could be the goal I have not achieved. The other part is that my dad was in my dream. Maybe that is the struggle I have not been able to achieve. I really have been putting a lot of thought into that relationship. My dad and I talk more now that I move to Vegas then when I was in Logan. I look forward to talking to my dad every Sunday. I just need to get past one little thing in our relationship and I think I will finally have that relationship with him I never had. 

Family 
To see your own family in high spirits in your dream, symbolizes harmony and happiness. To see them gloomy, foretells of disappointment and sadness.

Chase 
To dream that you are being chases, signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is often a metaphor for some form of insecurity. In particular, to dream that you are chased by an animal, represents your own unexpressed and unacknowledged anger which is being projected onto that animal. Alternatively, you may be running away from a primal urge or fear. To dream that you are chasing someone, signifies that you are attempting to overcome a difficult goal or task. You may also be expressing some aggressive feelings toward others. 

****This is my second most common dream behind my teeth falling out. I know exactly what this one means. Which scares me. I am happy with my current "relationship" status, but am I going to ALWAYS be happy with it? I know there are a lot of issues that need to be brought up in order to make it "perfect" or as perfect as any relationship can be. Wow....just re-reading the highlighted part of chase scares me more and more. Maybe I am insecure with things. 

Dead 
To see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd. You may suffer material loss. This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on. To see and talk with your dead father in your dream, signifies that you are about to enter into an unlucky transaction or rotten deal. Thoroughly think through your decisions before entering into them. To see your dead mother in your dream, signifies your wretched and mean-hearted nature towards others around you. Seeing your dead parents in your dreams, may mean your fears of losing them or your way of coping with the loss. You may want that last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them. To see your dead sibling, relative, or friend alive in your dream, indicates that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.

**** I often dream of my Grandma Jessie. Usually she is just there watching me do whatever it is I am doing. There has only been one time did she look upset with me. Usually she has the smirk on her face like she approves. I really think that when I am dreaming of her, its because she is still fully involved with my life and her coming to me in my dreams lets me know what she thinks. I definitely think that I have not let go of her. I still am in denial and it has been almost 5 years. I miss her so much. I don't ever want to let her go....I don't want to come to terms with her being gone because she isn't really. 

Gun 
To see a gun in your dream , symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence. Alternatively, a gun can represent the penis and male sexual drive. Thus the gun may mean power and impotence. To dream that you are loading a gun, forewarns that you should be careful in not letting your temper get out of control. To dream that you shoot someone with a gun, denotes your aggressive feelings and hidden anger toward that particular person. To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation. 

****I dream I am being shot at often. I have never been shot, but I know that someone is trying to shoot me. I guess this one and chase could represent the same thing. I am avoiding a conversation that makes me feel like i am "victim" not an any sense other than me just feeling what I have to say or how I feel doesn't make any sense to anyone else. 

Knife 
To dream that you are carrying a knife, signifies anger, separation, legal troubles and/or financial losses. It may also mean betrayal of a dear friend. To see a dull knife in your dream, denotes that your hard work is accompanied by little or no gain. To dream that you are wounded by a knife, suggests that you or someone is affected by hurtful remarks or malicious gossip. To see an electric knife in your dream, indicates your power to get down to the truth of a situation quickly. 

***THIS IS A DITTO TO CHASE, KNIFE AND SO ON....

It appears that most of my dreams, at least recently, have some connection. I think I need to just to deal with the situation and let it be heard EXACTLY how I feel and if it can't be taken as it is, I need to refocus on my situation. I think I am going to use this dictionary more often. It really makes me realize why I have been dreaming what I have. 

Cheech

I am seriously so irritated with my dog. He barks at anything he is not familiar with. If its raining outside and he can hear it he barks. If there is a knock on the door he barks more. If he sees or hears another dog/cat any animal BARKS. Is it wrong if I remove his vocal cords!!?? LOL Little asshole. Maybe a shock collar? Is that better than removing his vocal cords. Don't get me wrong. I love him mucho, but when he barks like that I wanna kill him. And then when he has calmed down he comes around all lovey, cuddling up to you as if he did nothing wrong. 

I <3 the GYM

Okay.

So I am going to try blogging again. I imagine this will not be like every other blog. I imagine it will be boring and that is okay with me. But as far as today. I have a few gym rants I want to share. 

1) If you are there to workout, WORK OUT. Don't talk on your cell phone. I hate that!!! I can still hear you over my damn ipod and its not encouraging listening to your poor life. Or who you saw yesterday or who you are going to see.

2) Girls who get dressed up with make-up and the whole works. Are you SERIOUS? Next please

3) Just sitting on the machine NOT working out, move on. Go home and sit on your couch.

4) Skinny bitches who are running faster than me pisses me off....I guess this is a bitter sweet, it motivates me just a little more. 

5) Trainers who are NOT doing their job. Instead they are watching everyone else. 

6) I saw this guy who was doing chin ups and SERIOUSLY swinging his whole body to do it.

and for my biggest rant.

If you are not skinny PLEASE don't wear spandex!!! PLEASE!!

That is all I have for today. =)