The first one is that I am a person who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES attention. Which I get most of the time from him, actually I get it a lot. So when I don't have that attention, I act like a baby. I will never tell him that, but haha. One would think that after the time we have been together I would be okay, actually welcome when i have time to myself, but I don't. I really don't. Every once in awhile I do want a night to myself, and I take it. I guess what it comes down to is that I want my own time when I want it, not when he decides to give it to me. That sounds really bad, but I just love being around him. He makes me happy. I could be bitching about work and everything else and he will make me laugh. He makes me realize that life isn't always the way we plan it but we grasp it and then run with it.
The second conclusion is this: work is NOT my life. If I keep letting work get in the way of my personal life I will damage all the good things in my life. I bring work home with me. I can't do this. I know I will have to work a lot, but when I bring it home with me it ruins our nights. Something I need to learn how NOT to do.
The third conclusion is easier said then done: he is not the ex. I don't understand why I even think anything, I fully TRUST HIM, I do. But there is something, somewhere that makes me question DUMB THINGS, like who was that girl you were talking to. "oh she is your friend from 10 years ago" "okay, why are you talking to her" If I fully TRUST I shouldn't even care. But the thing is that I fully TRUSTED THE EX too, and look what happened!! Is it possible I will lose that fear?I don't know, I know for a fact that no matter who I was dating, I would have this fear. It has NOTHING to do w/ the BF but the past, and this is not fair to him. I think the same goes for the BF too, I think he holds onto random things and I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "I AM NOT HER, I WILL NEVER BE HER, NOR WILL I EVER HAVE THE PROBLEMS SHE HAD" But I don't. I guess its all part of life and learning to move on.
The final conclusion is COMMUNICATION!! I feel like a lot of the time if something happens in our relationship I push it aside hoping that nothing will come of it, but as I found out last week, when we are fighting and I am mad (now this is SUPER WRONG) but I bring up past things like "you did this and that and this" which I found out, HE HATES!!! Which then he gets pissed and starts saying stuff he doesn't mean, because he tells me the next day. I need to just tell him when something is bothering me or I don't like. Its stupid stuff to! Which makes it even worse. I thought that once I started "getting older and more mature" I wouldn't be pissed about DUMB THINGS!! I think, actually, I know I need to grow up. I need to tell him the things that I feel are important and hope he understands. I am a very fortunate person, really I am. He is the best thing that has happened to me. (and I am the best thing that has happened to him, thats what I tell myself. haha, although, I really do believe I am one of the best things) I talk about communication every day at work, yet I don't do it every day with my own personal relationships. That is a problem. !
With all of this, I am very optimistic that from here on out, our relationship will just grow and be even better.
